I know a lot of my HillyLily clients have struggled/are struggling with infertility or loss. The clients below are no stranger as they spent six years trying to grow their family. Marabeth underwent numerous procedures, surgeries and IVF treatments which lead to dead end after dead end. This November, they are preparing to welcome their absolute miracle baby, Samuel.
Mike and Marabeth's story is so special that I felt it was best to hear it in their words. Please find a brief synopsis of their journey below. I hope it finds who needs to read it out there and gives them hope and encouragement. Thanks so much for sharing, M & M!
How long have you and Mike been trying to start a family? 6 years
Tell me more about why you and Mike decided this was your last IVF attempt.
We had already done 2 rounds of IVF and experienced a miscarriage in each round. It was taking a toll on us emotionally, physically, and financially and we didn’t want to try again and get the same result. My doctor recommended another surgery to remove my endometriosis and believed with that, we may be able to bring home a baby with one last try of IVF. We thought and prayed about it and decided to do the surgery and then try one last time. After that, we knew we would have done everything we could and could walk away with closure and peace.
At what moment did this pregnancy feel like it was really happening/when did you let yourself get excited? I think there were 2 pivotal moments for me, one at 16 weeks when we found out that “it” was a boy and then again at 20 weeks when the bump became more evident and the high risk doctor we were seeing gave us no reasons to be concerned. Having been pregnant before, it was so hard to let go of my anxiety and fear that this baby too would be taken from us. Once I was able to get through that, I really started having fun and enjoying the pregnancy more. We are SO grateful for the opportunity to be parents and amazed that this is our story. How did you come up with Samuel's name?
Mike and I have discussed the name Samuel for probably 5 of the 6 years we’ve been on this journey. The story of Samuel in the Bible has been so important to us, because infertility was included in God’s word, through this story and several others. You feel so isolated, ashamed, and like you don’t belong when you go through infertility and this story really acknowledges those struggles in detail I could really relate to. We especially loved the verse 1 Samuel 1:27 which says “For this child I have prayed and the Lord has granted what I asked of Him.” Our reproductive endocrinologist told us after our transfer that she took an extra moment after transferring the embryo that is now Samuel to say a prayer that this would work and we’d finally be parents. She referenced that same verse when telling us about her prayer, not realizing how much we already treasured that piece of Scripture. When we found out he was a boy, the first thing I said to Mike was, “We get to meet Samuel.” Also, his name means “God heard” and we felt the meaning behind his name honored his story and God hearing and answering our prayers.
Any advice to someone struggling with infertility? And/or any advice for someone who knows someone struggling with infertility?
For those who struggle, I wish I could give you a hug. You’re fighting an often invisible battle and have to deal with people’s insensitivity along the way. But you do belong and you do have purpose and so does your story, no matter how it resolves. I would encourage you to find your tribe, whether it is a group of close friends or a support group, people who will encourage you along the way and be there when you need to talk or not talk. And last, I would encourage you to be your own advocate. Ask your doctors to help you understand and research your options. We said we’d never do IVF and then we decided to educate ourselves about the process and talk to our doctors and others who had been through it. Even if you decide to not go the medical route, informed decisions to pursue/not pursue any/certain treatments are huge in giving yourself closure.
For those who know someone battling infertility, for the love of all that is holy, don’t ask them when they’re having kids or give your opinions about what they should do to start their families. Send them encouraging texts or notes, give them hugs, be mindful of situations where babies are the focus, and just be a good friend. We know that even if our struggle isn’t yours, you love us and are on our side. It means a lot to not feel alone.
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